told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
