she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
