He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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