You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
