i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
