yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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