i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
