found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
