I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
This house was built for laser tag.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
