i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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