The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
