you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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