Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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