she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
