you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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