oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
