Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
