So drunk its hurt
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
