Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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