I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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