i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Even my vagina gasped.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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