I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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