Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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