My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I need help removing her.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
