why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
