Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
