I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
