overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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