The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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