Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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