Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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