He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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