I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize