All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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