i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
where are you?
Hypothermia
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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