I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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