I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
