so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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