When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
