I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Randomize
