Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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