I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
