I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
