like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
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You know, be my cock's hype man.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
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She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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