You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
