so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
