If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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