I cannot find my penis.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.