I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
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aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
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Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you