I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
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I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going