I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
