**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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