We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
