Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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