I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize