Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize