after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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