Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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