Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
