You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
