If that was your dad, he is hot
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
