we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You've changed since you got that strap on
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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