YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
