i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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