Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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