The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
