i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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