The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
