I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
