I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
